The Barefoot Shlep Chef

  

The Barefoot Shlep Chef...

 

The first cooking experience that I can recall involved a ridiculously small pan and a light bulb.  I was about 6 and had my very own oven - no doubt my mothers exacerbated response to my finicky palate.  I thought it was the greatest thing ever!  And when the mini packages of cake mix ran out...well I just added water to a large bowl and dumped in the BIG box mom had in the cupboard.   I mixed for hours.  Filled the tiny pan over and over for days and baked for years.   Oddly, only a few made it *wipes crumbs from mouth* to the decorating table where mom's leftover icing in a rainbow of colours awaited.  Mom made and decorated cakes with all kinds of fancy tubes and stands and sugar flowers.   For some reason i was only allowed to use a spatula, not the fancy things that made all kinds of pretty shapes.  Maybe the towering technicoloured icing mountain I created while she was on the phone was a threat to her sensitive cake decorator's ego.  Still I had sprinkles.  WHAT?  no sprinkles either????  MAAAWWWWmmmm! 

 

As years passed I was allowed to re-enter the kitchen.  I could mix scrambled eggs.  I could mix potato salad.  I could mix meatloaf...hey!  when do I get to COOK??

 

Finally the day arose when I, now mature and knowledgeable, could use the stove.  This time I would not only mix the potato salad, I would get to cook the potatoes.   I carefully read the instructions from mom's handwritten recipe.  Wash and peel skin from potatoes.  Cut each potato into 6 bite size pieces.  Cook the potatoes in a large pan. Place heat on high.  They are done when a fork passes easily through them.

 

Mom...stop yelling at me!!!

Dad!  stop laughing!!!!!!

And I AM trying to open the window...it's stuck!!

 

I maintain to this day that the recipe card said absolutely nothing - no where on the card (I even showed it as evidence at the trial that had me banned from the kitchen) - no where did it mention adding water to the pot.  Hello?  You taught me to bake using a light bulb!!   SO-o-o-o not my fault!