Thursday, November 27, 2014

Christmas Books for the Rest of Us!

Getting tired of all the sugary sweet and nice Christmas themes we are bombarded with starting November 1st?  These Christmas themed books have a different take on the season, be it weird, funny or terrifying.  I'll leave it to you to decide which is which.

Scared of Santa: Scenes of Terror in Toyland by  Denise Joyce
Nothing says Christmas quite like innocent children shrieking with terror as a stranger dressed in red drags them kicking and screaming onto his lap. This time-honored rite of passage is celebrated with a hilarious collection of more than two hundred and fifty priceless photos of kids' traumatic trips to Santa's workshop.

The Little Book of Christmas Stress by  Rohan Candappa
A how-to guide for infusing the holidays with extra touches of aggravation.   Embrace the true meaning of Christmas, and do all you can to encourage the generation of stress in yourself and those around you this Festering Season! If you're not sure how to get started suggestions include: Try to encourage as many of them as you possibly can. Or on visits to friends or relatives, shake their Christmas trees vigorously when no one is looking. And at selected moments try to spoil everyone's Christmas Day by bringing religion into it. And what would Christmas be without children? Delight your friends and relatives by secretly teaching their young children rude versions of Christmas carols.

Rock Your Ugly Christmas Sweater by Anne Marie Blackman
This gift book includes 200+ full-color photos of people in hilariously awful Christmas sweaters accompanied by funny captions. Some of the categories include festive fun, vintage ugly, homemade hits and misses, and pets rocking ugly Christmas sweaters.

As an accompaniment, here’s way to be more active in your Christmas-wear appreciations.
Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Book: The Definitive Guide to Getting Your Ugly On by Brian Miller
This timeless party book includes the history of the event, how to throw the perfect party, what to wear, and how to judge the all-important ugly Christmas sweater contest. With pictures.  Many special pictures.

A Classic from 1968, A Yak for Christmas by Louise Hillary
This is the story of a mountaineering family's Christmas in the Himalayas spent with sherpas.  Sir Edmund Hillary, his wife Louise and their children travelled through the Himalayas through the Christmas holidays to attend the dedication of a hospital in a remote mountain village they had helped finance. They deal with travel problems, the high altitude, and revel in the beauty of the mountains.  But lets be honest, Hillary's book made the list based on the title alone. Becuase, you know... A yak!

Perhaps it’s best not to leave this one out in plain view of the kiddies.
Santa Clause is Dead by Jason Twede
An Elf stumbles across Santa’s body in the middle of the forest. A single set of footprints lead to the body and disappear. There is nothing else around for miles. And so begins the most important investigation of detective Johnny Iceberg’s career. Disgruntled Elves, Mrs. Claus is less than half Santa’s age and wears a curvy, low-cut size 6, penguins can be police officers and polar bears are beat. Experience the quest of a jaded, bitter detective trying to save the life and resurrect the innocence of an anguished 11-year old girl who finds herself framed for the murder of Santa Claus.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols by Michael P. Spradlin
Tired of the same old song?  Try out these hits, includeing classics  "We Wish You an Undead Christmas," "Zombie Claus is Coming to Town," and "Rudolph, the Zombie Reindeer!"

How to Catch Santa! by Dwayne Mc Millan
Ever wondered if it were possible to catch Santa? This book will prove that through ingenuity, patience, and hard work that even Santa isn't immune to a good old fashioned kidnapping. We will follow a very elaborate system and engineer various ways to pull off this marvelous feat. This guide will teach you:
•        How to Catch Santa in the North Pole!
•        How to Catch Santa from the Comfort of your Own Home!
•        How to Safely Release Santa Back into the Wild. (This is trickier than you might think!)

Dumb White Husband vs. Santa by Benjamin Wallace
A short Christmas story that will have you laughing out loud. Erik has planned the perfect Christmas for his family. The plan is foolproof, bulletproof and flame retardant. Nothing can undo the hours of planning and preparation. Nothing but odd-shaped packages, ill-timed fruitcakes and an errant neighborhood Santa Claus.

Are these a little too tame for you?  How about this one…

A Hacked-Up Holiday Massacre: Halloween is Going to be Jealous
Irreverent merriment. Diabolical debauchery. Gory good times. Editor Shane McKenzie has gutted the holiday spirit and left it to bleed out on the pages of this gruesome, extreme horror tribute to special occasions. Disturbing, graphic and darkly twisted this anthology of holiday horror will strip the sweetness from the silly season.  Not for those who shy away from gore.

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